Always, Forever, and Never Again
I was always someone who would tell those I cared for, always and forever. Truly though, once I feel or once I profess my form of love/care I do mean, always and forever. I think it’s a sweet symbol, because the majority of the people who received any kind of always and forever from me knew that’s who I was, it just made sense. It may sound sweet, but behind those words was also a person who chose to keep loving and finding forgiveness no matter any act of cruelty. Love with no boundary is cruel. I grew up with a lack of boundaries built around me. I let people walk all over me. I let people mold into me, around me, in my space. Use my energy unapologetically too. If that sounds like you, please stick around. There’s a sick aura to being loved not for what we are, but what we give.
It can be confusing to try to shape relationships and connections especially with the overload of opportunity. We are one of 8 billion human minds, souls, bodies. Each of us has the chance to connect and cross paths. I think we’ve been taught that to love freely is to love without boundaries. My new favorite thing this year has been healthy boundaries, because to love freely is to love with intention. There is no intention without boundaries.
What are boundaries? Google says a dividing line, which I kinda love in this energetic context. Another idea of a boundary is something we put in place to protect, guide, and attract what speaks closest to who we are. I think boundaries are very specific to each person which makes them one of two things, the most freeing thing, or, the hardest thing to produce. I think there comes a certain sense of self knowing within the ability to create our own boundaries. Your boundaries and my boundaries are going to look very different; love, friendship, actions, and connections are going to speak to you and I differently. When we deepen our connection with self, to create boundaries is like speaking to ourselves, I know you! I got you! I can hold you! But, for many of us, we start pretty far away from ourselves. Preeeeetty damn far away. That’s okay though, home is never lost.
I found as my connection to myself opened, and when I started sprinting to my inner world to find my root, my seeds grew into trees. You may feel like you don’t even know where to start with boundaries. When we’ve allowed ourselves to be misshapen and mishandled, it can be really hard to unlearn. I get that, and that’s okay. But to think of boundaries like seeds is the perfect way to begin. Dig a hole, start by working backwards, fall into the heavy feelings you feel due to what you’ve allowed or even not allowed to be, it’ll be ugly, but here we celebrate the bad, good, ugly, pretty, and all in between. Plant the seed, ask yourself what you want your boundary to look like, feel like, and make that your seed. Water the soil, practice that boundary, see if there’s situations you can act on in your life to embody your practice. Maybe you can write about past situations or people from the perspective of your boundary. Finally, watch it grow, and then, enjoy the fruits of your labor. Be patient, as with anything, creating boundaries isn’t linear. You should go up, down, left, right, overtime you will land yourself in a sweet in between.
I found with myself the hardest thing for me to embody was the feeling like I was deserving of these boundaries. When we’ve spent years if not our entire lives believing something different, it can be really hard to embrace the change of shifting our entire belief within our boundaries to something different. Will everyone be okay with these boundaries shifting? Oh absolutely not, and if you’re a people pleaser like the majority of us are, that can be the hardest part. As I said above, boundaries are unique to us, that is what makes them so wonderful, but hard to implement. Our boundaries are not for everyone, but I think it’s time we breathe in things for ourselves. It’s your life, and it’s your experience.
When I began having intention with where I placed myself, those around me who were meant to be around, placed themselves accordingly within my boundary. My love was intentional. Intentional love feels so good. It’s joyous, and collective. I have always been a huge lover of all things, and I was not going to give that part of myself up. Because I placed my roots within myself, I can love freely within my boundaries because I know I am protected, I trust myself. I attracted so many wonderful people, experiences, and opportunities that just clicked in place with what I had created within myself. Intention starts with you, if you have the intention of building strong healthy boundaries for the betterment of yourself, people, experiences, and boundaries will come out of hiding to embrace you. Most importantly, parts of yourself will come out of hiding to celebrate with you, and it feels so good. You are not selfish, you’re willing, and I admire you for that.
I remember going back through my writing, my text messages, my journals, and seeing how many always and forevers I let people have. Those were mine.
I like to end my journals incrementally. When I feel a chapter in my life has run its’ course, I end the journal linked to that part of my life. I then store it in my closet because I know me best. I know I will sob, laugh, scream, and have a party with the mass I’ve collected. But, I decided to dance with the dust bunnies and open up a journal that contained such a monumental period of my life within boundary and self connection. I wrote back to the woman who tore pages from its seams. I told her she was resilient, that I had utmost respect for her, and as much as I wanted to take her along with me after all she’s experienced we had to part ways. Always, forever, and never again. I hope you can build boundaries that make your past experiences unrecognizable, and I hope you can sign off on them with a firm, always, forever, and never again.